The rantings of a religiously agitated teen...
by Ninja Fuzzy
Summary: My opinions on God and my views on religion.
1. Default Chapter

Okay, I'll start by saying that these are only my opinions. I am not trying to firce my beliefs on anyone. I'd also like to say that if you plan on leaving me email and crap like that telling me I need to find God, then I'll just respond as my good bug Matti would… "I know where God is. He's in my back pocket." Please don't give me flak about this. I know what the bible says and I know how everyone thinks God works.  
  
I'm the average P.K (preacher's kid) I am, however different than most in that I didn't totally rebel. I only sought to find my own beliefs and refused to be forced into a religion that I didn't agree with. The whole time, I did know one thing. There was a God. There was one God, that sent his son to die for us. I believe that. But what about all these rules that people live by? Why do people make God out to be some uptight old fart?  
  
In my head, my image of God is just a normal guy. Someone to talk to. And someone who doesn't really care about all the stuff that normal christians do. I don't mean he doesn't care, but that it isn't really important to "try and make yourself holy like him." God made us to be perfect. But he knows that we aren't. why would he try and make us what we aren't? I think that he knows we're beautiful even though we make mistakes. I think true beauty isn't in perfection, it is in the flaws that we have.  
  
Concerning the bible, and the rules. I don't go by the bible. It's like a reference book. An encyclopedia, if you will. You don't go to an encyclopedia to write an entire biography, do you? No, you should go right to the source. That would be God in this case. The bible is how Man sees God. The way I know my actions are right or wrong is to simply pray on it. God will tell you when you're wrong.  
  
This is all the ranting I got for now. I know I'll think of more later… 


	2. 

Yay an opinion!  
  
This comes from Trono…  
  
Who wants to be perfect? With perfection we would be completly satisfied and to be completly satisfied life is empty and shallow.  
  
I think you should probably read the bible. It may not be very inviting but it is in fact the word directly from God and can help you alot.  
  
I don't know when God's talking to me. People make out like its supposed to be easy but I just don't know. Maybe I don't want him to intervene. For if he truly did, why would I need faith? I would have proof for God and faith would be eliminated.  
  
  
  
And a good point you make, Trono. Not only is faith essential to true salvation (by christian standards) but it adds a little extra magic to the christian scene. What I meant when I said people should know when God is talking, was that when you consult God, in whichever way you chose to do so, He will talk to you. The way I do this, is to basically talk to myself. When I'm alone or walking or going to sleep, or pretty much any time it's quite, I'm thinking. I think about what I believe and what is right and wrong, and when I start going the wrong way, I hear God going "no, that's not what I like" now I am not saying that this is the only right way to worship or pray or whatever you do. I know I'm not "dead on balls accurate". Which brings me to another point. God is different with everyone in the world. I believe in that "he has a plan for everyone" routine. What he wants me to do, and what he wants you to do, are two completely different things. What I believe is my job as a christian, is to be one of those almost sacrilegiously open minded people. Some people respond to witnessing the way most people are used to seeing it. But a lot of people don't. my main group of friends that I hang out with consists of addicts and atheists and depressants. If I started preaching to them and shoving bibles down their throats, they'd have my arse, if you'll excuse my language. I'd get nowhere. If I tried to save them by being a "model christian" which is mostly viewed as being a gung-ho bible toting person, they'd only despise me. That would only push them further away. But by being a friend and being trustworthy, and showing them that I believe in a God that isn't as picky as most people make him out to be, they'll develop a trust for God, or at the least for christians who know how to witness "right". A prime example is my friend Mattie. I used a quote of hers in the previous chapter. When someone told her that she should find God she said, "oh, I found him. He's in my back pocket." It became a joke for all of us.  
  
But think of it this way… if you were the creator/master of all existence, would you really MAKE people do things by the book? Or would you rather just see people take the care to treat the "freaks" like they are loved, despite the fact that they don't feel it from God. I'm more concerned with people simply loving each other than everyone doing it how the Bible says.  
  
And also, Trono, I do read the Bible. A lot. It is inviting. I enjoy it. I never sad the Bible was wrong, but it is also not something that I, myself, want to base my life on.  
  
Please review and tell me your opinions, I love hearing from you! 


	3. 

Okay, the answers to all you questions! *dramatic music plays*  
  
Haha, you have all just witnessed a rare glimpse of the giddy tired-but- hyper me. You'll probably see that all through this, cause I'm tired, but hyper.  
  
Okay, first question, which come from Roren…  
  
Hi. Preachers kid, wow, a rainbow of experiences I have of your type. I won't start on that. But, as a fellow Christian, in most part, I agree with you. Here's my thoughts, since you seem so interested in them and well, ya:  
  
(one of my favourite books) John  
  
15:10  
  
If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love.  
  
That to me means try your best to be like Jesus, don't settle for what the world accepts of you. Try you best, but like you said, Jesus loved the sinner, no matter what.  
  
The commands you should follow (and, I think from what you wrote this is true for you, but I'm not God, I don't know)  
  
John 15:12  
  
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  
  
v. 17 This is my command: Love each other.  
  
And somewhere else in the Bible ( i really should know this verse...i think its in matthew)  
  
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. Next love your neighbour as yourself.  
  
Now, these are the basics of being saved. (besides believing that Jesus is the son of God and came in the flesh to die and rose again)  
  
But remember all that other stuff! Like you said, you read the bible, right? Well, God speaks to us in that way!  
  
One way I realised how shallow my life was when I read the Bible and that verse (still don't know the reference) about how our lives are like a breath compared to eternity. That I shouldn't live for this world, since I'm just passing through.  
  
I'm glad to see that you're so spiritual that you can hear God's voice. My way is similar to yours when it comes to minute things the Bible doesn't address. That's the Holy Spirit revealing even more of the Father to us! Jesus told us about it in John 16:12-15!  
  
Ok, and now a question because like I said at the top, I MOSTLY agree.  
  
Why don't you want to base your life on the Bible? It's God's word. His promises and hope he gives us there still apply today. So do (a lost of) his laws. What do you mean by 'I don't want to base my life on the Bible'.  
  
Thanks :)  
  
  
  
I guess I kinda gave a bad impression of myself. I've never been very good with words, so I know it's easy to get confused by what I say. I don't live for the world to accept me. just the opposite, you can ask anyone that knows me. I could care less what the world thinks of me because I am content with myself. I don't life FOR the people of the world, but I live to help them.  
  
Like I said, the Bible is, by no means, a bad thing. I love to read it. The reason I don't base my life on it, as I said in the first chapter, is because I would rather get my instructions from God, himself. And I'm not saying that I am just almighty-amazing because I can hear (for the most part) what God wants to tell me. God speaks to people through different means, and he has even spoken to me through the Bible before. But he know that I am as dense as a cinder block. He can hint at me my whole life and I will never see it. So he knows that the one on one approach is my style. Some things do just jump out at me, however, and I think "why didn't I see that before?" the Bible is a wonderful thing to have around. But I want God to govern my life, not a book.  
  
  
  
Next question (tho its not really a question, it's a statement) is from Kori…  
  
you make excellent points. i definately agree with you on a lot of them.  
  
one thing i'm not totally with you on is the whole bible thing though.. i know it is man-made but i also believe it is God-breathed. it is referred to as the living word because thats what it is. i definately agree with you that we have to focus on those among us who arent saved and form friendships with them and demonstrate God's love in that way instead of shoving it down their throats. Jesus himself said that when he said that he was not here to save the righteous, but those sick in spirit.  
  
i just think you cant look at the bible like some bonus reading material. i think its a little more important than that in our personal development, because i've found its a valuable way for God to speak to me. i dont focus on it, because that's not the point of having a relationship, but i think its an important tool in growing in your faith.  
  
Well, most of the stuff *points up* up there applies to this one as well, but the thing about the bonus reading material was more the point I was trying to make about the Bible.  
  
  
  
Thank you guys for reviewing and giving me something to discuss/argue about. I live to argue! Responsibly, of course. Another reason I did this was to get other opinions and views and have more things to ponder on. So please, enlighten me. I'm always open to people's ideas.  
  
I want to thank you guys for being good sports. I figured I'd have gotten yelled at by now. I'm so happy ^_^ squee… 


	4. 

Yay we have another question!  
  
This one comes from Imokru…  
  
Hi. I have a question about chapter 2. YOu were talking about loving freaks and stuff like that as if it wasn't in the Bible. Like the only way you could follow the Bible was to get all legalistic and have all this religiousity. (Maybe I just interpreted that wrong, and If I did don't bother reading the rest of this, but anyways...) You know, Jesus yelled at the pharisees for stuff like that. Jesus said to love each other. And Jesus hung out with tax-collectors and prostitutes, people who were definetly the 'freaks' of His day.  
  
P.K, huh? That has to be tough. When I was younger my best friend was a P.K. It was hard on her. Anyways, Bye :)  
  
oopsie, someone caught me. I see where I may have slipped up. I didn't mean to give that impression. I know how Jesus hung out with the "freaks". It's what allowed me to talk to the people I talk to. My mother was always on my case about who I hung out with and stuff. When I first started high school, I tried everything I could to be part of the "cool people". I wanted nothing but to be popular. Maybe I should explain a bit about myself…  
  
I'm about 5-8 and I weigh about a good 150 pounds. I got a little chunky in middle school and it stuck. I was never happy with myself and so that's why I tried so hard to get people to like me. the first day of school my freshman year, in my second block Physical Science class, I went straight to the back of the classroom and put my books on the table that only I occupied. The boy sitting in front of me turned around and just grinned. I was terrified. He was tall, deathly skinny, dark skinned, and he had long stringy black hair. I noticed he had a Slayer shirt on, and Slayer written all over his backpack in white out, along with other things like anarchy signs and acid signs. And he was grinning wildly at me. I had never been more scared in my life. He started talking to me, and he was extremely polite. I was only mean o him in return. I just wanted him to stop talking to me. the agonizing hour and a half passed and the bell rang to go to my next class. When I got to the door, I saw a familiar face greet me there. It was him. His name was James*. And can you just guess which seat I was left with? The one in the back, right next to him. Well a few weeks passed, and I didn't mind him so much. I learned quickly about drugs and stuff. (I never tried them, but the only people I seemed to attract to me were addicts.) my fourth and last block class was just as boring as the rest. I never talked because there wasn't anyone I knew well enough. Ironic, though, is the fact that it was a speech class. There were two girls that always stuck out. One was a girl that always wore dark clothes and makeup, and another that dressed in baggy, sloppy clothes. The one in the dark clothes was Amber*, and the one in the baggy clothes was Kristi*. Kristi was also James' girlfriend. One day, we had a group project, and I actually talked to Amber, who was in my group. We had a lot of interests in common. I liked cartoons, specifically anime, video games, fantasy books and scary movies. We hit it off pretty good, and she became one of my best friends of all time. She taught me everything that made me who I am today. She taught me how to be confident and love myself, and that I never EVER had to impress anyone. I loved her more than anyone, and we always cried together when we were upset. I never forced my opinions of God on her, and she never forced her opinions of Atheism on me. that never mattered.  
  
I would see Kristi walking around sometimes, in fresher, nicer clothes. I heard that she had been saved. I was happy for her. The next semester came along, and I didn't see the James kid around much. I learned from a friend of my mother's that he had been in an accident with his girlfriend, who HAD been saved. Kristi died, and James was in bad condition. He turned out okay, though. I had worried myself sick over him. He was my friend, no matter how badly I treated him he was always nice to me. (though I wasn't always mean to him. Just until I 'found myself') also ironically, my sophomore year, I dated James. We were together for 2 months. I always made it clear that I did not want him doing drugs while he was with me, and he didn't. the only reason it ended was because I was afraid that things would go too far and I wouldn't be able to stop it. I didn't want to love someone like that, because he also drank, and my real dad was an alcoholic, and I couldn't take it from another person that I loved. I know had I only asked, he would have stopped, but it's not my place to change who he is. If he quits, it shouldn't be just because I told him to. It should be because he wants to. Sometimes I wish I had just asked him to…  
  
AH now that I have gotten WAY off the subject, I'll fling myself back into the topic now. The thing that I learned is, "freaks" are some of the best friends to have. Everyone has a reason to be atheist. Nobody just IS. But the "freaks" are usually people with trust issues, and that always makes for a good friend. I hope that explains at least a little something…  
  
it's not really bad being a P.K. My stepdad is pretty much wrapped around my mom's finger, and my mom knows me well enough to know that I can make my own decisions, and that I never listen to people when they tell me what to do. Believe me she knows that lol. What's annoying, though, is that she knows exactly what buttons she can push and get away with it, but most things she leaves alone because she knows that when I'm mad, I can prove her wrong. Lol its funny really…  
  
* I changed the names because… uhhh… because I'm sure these people don't want everyone knowing their life. I'm just weird… 


	5. 

Okay here's a bigun (in my opinion anyway) from Elfin Mouse  
  
interesting, but how are you oppressed? i kind of opened this expecting you to be talking about how people are always bashing your views, but really what you're saying is what you do and why you do it. not that there's anything wrong with that, it just doesn't fit the title.  
  
i'm glad you're open minded and you don't try to force people to change. i like people like that, they don't make me feel bad for being the way i am.  
  
but couldn't you have picked a better word than "freaks"? those of us who are "freaks" don't really appreciate the term...  
  
oh, and just because i think you might find this interesting: i am an atheist, but i have no real reason for being an atheist. the only reason i ahve is that i simply don't believe in a god, but nothing caused me to be of that opinion - i just always was. i was never able to believe in a god so after a while i decided it was pointless and stopped trying.  
  
if that interested you, good. if not, if you thought "who the hack cares?", well, that's okay too, then i'm sorry i wasted a few seconds of your time.  
  
- e.mous  
  
Maybe now would be a good time to say that I am, indeed easily offended. But realizing this through the years I have learned to disregard things that upset me, because they probably didn't mean it the way I took it. That doesn't mean that you should be super nice to me, because it takes a lot to get me to actually blow up. Anyway that being said I'll move to my response. The only thing that … well… upset me, was the way Mouse made me look like, for lack of a better word, a bitch. I say the term "freak" because that is what society labels them, not me. to me, they are simply friends, and good ones at that. If I meant "freak" in a bad way, it would be different, but I don't. it's a term of endearment. I refer to myself as a freak 99% of the time. I guess I really haven't said much on how I was oppressed. For the most part, my parents aren't that bad about forcing me to believe something I don't. but the first time (a couple of days ago) I said something to suggest that I believed soemthing other than what they taught me, I got a strange look and an almost lecture. If I told my mother everything I thought, or basically anything I've posted here, I would get ten thousand lectures. Another thing, is that it has calmed down considerably after my junior year. There were a billion things my mother would always gripe about. like when I was a freshman I started playing Magic: The Gathering. She forbade me to play, or even keep the cards. Things like that. And even though she never said that I couldn't talk to my friends, she did gripe about them for a time. Until she knew that I wasn't going to find new ones just because she wanted me to. And she still climbs up my butt because my sister recently started being very church-happy, and I, well I'm not. I go on Sunday mornings but that's it. So she implies that my sister is better than me. she has always favored my other sisters over me because I never lived up to her true standards of what a daughter should be.. someone who sticks out in society. Someone who everyone likes and wants to be like. Fortunately, I took the more discreet, yet more gratifying path. I detest my mother, but at the same time I love her because that is the only thing I can do. So I'm not really oppressed, I'm just aggravated. And Mouse, you do have a reason for being atheist. You were tired of trying. That sounds like a reason to me.  
  
next question is from Angel…  
  
One thing I'd like to say, which isn't really a question but more of just my own comment(you could take it as sort of a warning from a sister in Christ, I guess). I very much agree with you're hanging out and being friends with the "freaks", and from what I've read so far its turned out pretty good. But from my own personal experience of watching a very close friend of mine begin to do what you're doing, and then unknowingly let himself be influenced more than actually being the influence on those who need the Lord in their lives. I've actually had this happen to two of my best friends. Both seem to be very distant from all the believers who used to be their friends, including me, and the Lord(currently, anyway).  
  
I guess what I'm trying to say is just to be careful. I firmly believe in being friends with the friendless, not out of pity or anything but just because they are good friends and because you could be a god influence on them. But coming from a sister in Christ I'd just like to say to be careful and be sure not to let your own faith be shaken. Because if there is a friendship you have that is not glorifying to the Lord, it may seem good anyway but it will only lead to destruction and hurt. I know this from personal experience.  
  
I know, I know… I've heard this before. I can only respond with the same response I gave my mother with all her lectures on how D&D would make me evil. I am who I am. My mother can't change me, my friends can't change me, nobody can. I am responsible for my own decisions. I am firm and unmoving in my beliefs. I am only open minded not mindless. I know how to tell the difference between a game and reality. There is no "thin line" for me. the reason I don't get into the drugs and alcohol and smoking that everyone around me does, is closely related to my life and childhood  
  
as far as drugs go, I was curious for a while, but I never wanted to. I've seen too many of my friends get taken in and completely screwed because of it. A guy I knew since I was in 4th grade ruined his life because of drugs. He was VERY talented and smart, and could have gone a long way. I have things I want to do and I wont let drugs get in my way.  
  
As far as alcohol goes, there are two major influences on me. one is my grandfather. He used to beat my dad so bad that my grandmother would have to rub vaseline on him to keep him from sticking to the sheets. The main reason, however, is that my father was an alcoholic. I had a horrible relationship with him. My parents had been divorced, but when I'd go stay with him, he'd always be out drinking. I remember calling my mom from his house at 1 am to come get me because he left me there alone. I swore I would never be like that.  
  
And as for cigarettes, that's easy… I'm watching both of my grandparents die because of that.  
  
Uhhh its late now.. im pretty tired so If I missed anything then sorry. 


	6. 

Ahhh I missed something! Thanks Roren for pointing it out.  
  
Hmm, ( I start a lot of reviews like that)  
  
you did miss something though, from 'Angel's review.  
  
She wasn't warning you for the sake of alcohol, drugs, and smoking (or she might have been, but there is a better reason that can be interpreted).  
  
The most important thing she said, which you never addressed ('missed') was how her friends were distant from God. Also, you need Christian friends. Fellowship is very important, God didn't send you to be alone in this world. You have him, that's more important than any friend, but you need support that can't be found in your mom (I have the same situation at home, just my dad isn't an alcoholic or gone, but the mom thing is the same) and you obviously don't find in your current friends, and fellowship is never found just sitting a day in church. FIND SOME CHRISTIAN FRIENDS to help you grow! :) Hope that didn't offend you, since that's not what I'm aiming to do :)  
  
Ok, just a second to the warning :)  
  
  
  
it's the same principal really. I have been around these people for years and they haven't changed my views at all. I've changed my own, when I realized I didn't have to be oozing with gooey goodness 24/7. But I know what I believe and nobody will change that except for me. ^_^  
  
And Elfin Mouse, don't you feel bad at all! I told you I figured everything I got upset about was not intentionally to be mean to me. don't worry I know you weren't trying to do anything to offend me. no apologies necessary, but if it makes you feel better, then its accepted.  
  
Uhhh cant think right now… brain too cloudy. Jeezum im tired… 


	7. huh...?

Oooookay! It's been a while, folks… sorry bout this. I thought it was high time to update cause I've been lazy… Anyway I can't really remember everything I've discussed so far so if I say somethin I've said before then ignore me ^_^' My friend Derrick tells me I'm a pothead that's just never smoked pot. I forget everything!!!! Argh!  
  
Okay we got a question…  
  
hi, Misato. I think i am asking a question rather than reviewing. What do you do if your fellow church friends try to shape you into their likeliness and i must do as they say because they hold the authority? They mean good, but I dont like it.  
  
Well… If any of my church friends tried to "shape me into their likeliness" … I would tell them to bite me, and that I was who I am, and if anyone's gonna tell me to be any different, it wouldn't be them, but the Big Man hisself… But that's cause I'm rude and "brutally honest" as I was told yesterday. (and I was very proud, I must say) I can only assume that you're asking for advice… So my advice is to not let people force you to believe something that you don't believe in. Gad loves a cheerful giver, right? Well he loves a cheerful follower as well. If you don't feel right believing a certain thing, and you do it just 'cause the grownups say to, then that's not really truly believing something.. I don't know if I'm making sense or not lol. But if they say "do this cause we say" and won't leave you alone… well, first of all it depends on the amount of authority they have over you. For instance, if it's your Sunday school teacher, then you really don't have to do anything they say if you're against it. But say your parents or something…. Well you live with them, and I've had to pretty much hide what I've believed for forever, or since I found something real TO believe. So at least make them think you're believing it. Yes I know that's decietful, and you can voice your opinions if you want, but my experience was nothing but constant criticism. That's why I didn't tell my parents what I truly thought. I doubt that was any help at all, but that last point reminds me…  
  
I AM NOW OFFICIALLY OPPRESSED! I don't know how it started… wait nm… my mother was griping about my video games and music and movies and stuff like that. I mention one teeny tiny lil statement and it starts a religious argument that seemed to never end. She's "concerned about me." now… and she's trying to do that whole "think this" thing she's grown so fond of over the years. So anyway. It's all good though. I just ignore her now. But anyway I have a question for Faust now…. (hope he/she is reading this) did you get your name from that play The Tragical History of the Life and Death of Doctor Faustus by Christopher Marlow? Just a question lol.. I'm a really obnoxiously curios person so if you don't read this I'll prolly email you. 


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